Wednesday, November 30, 2005

11/30/05

9:27 a.m. Well, I woke up this morning to an email from a new investigator in Nebraska who bailed on his first case, which was supposed to start at 6am.

I get LHM off to the airport and come home about an hour later. It's quiet. Too quiet. I put on my trusty Time-Life Christmas collection CDs and plug in the tree. Gene Autry starts singing, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. There. Festive. Happy.

I walk into the kitchen and find a mug of tea that LHM made for me this morning while I was in my office cursing in several languages at the investigator that bailed on me. I go to the cupboard, swallow a handful of vitamins and put water on the stove for some oatmeal. Sigh. I open the fridge. Ha! The blueberry cheesecake pie that I made for Thanksgiving. (Hey...I never said I couldn't cook. I just exercise the right not to.) Perfect! I dump a half can of whipped cream on top and take the whole thing into my office. I'll be feeling better in no time.

So, 30 minutes later I'm sitting in front of the computer polishing the pie tin with my tongue when suddenly I smell something burning. I sniff the air. Huh. I take one more lick and then head into the kitchen. Where I find my sauce pan just catching fire on the burner.

I rush over to the sink and turn on the water. Damn! I cup my hands and manage to get a ladelful of water in them. I run back to the stove and toss the water on the handle. It goes out. But it's still smoking. I grab the handle but quickly let go as I practically burn the skin off of my left hand. Curse words! All of them! I take a dishtowel off the rack, wrap it around the handle, and bring the pan to the sink where I douse it in cold water until it stops smoking.

I lean back against counter...breathing heavily. My hands are shaking from the adrenaline rush. Yikes. I almost set my house on fire and me with it. And I'm on call at the ME's office today, too. I smile to myself. How funny would that be if I ended up a shish-kabob and then the cops would page the ME and my beeper would go off? Wouldn't they be confused...

Well, I thought it was funny.

16 comments:

Tamara said...

OMG, Polly! I am [mentally] ROFL [at my desk] because you are so deliciously sick in the head.

Be! Careful! Polly!!!!!
We need you!!

PS Clever, though; now LHM will be scrambling to return and take care of you some more. ;)

Polly P.I. said...

Because I am obviously not capable of surviving for long periods of time on my own...

*dips burned hand back in bowl of water*

*takes hand out of water to type comment back to Tamara*

*shorts out keyboard*

*starts hand on fire*

motw said...

Don't be surprised if you see on the news that the plane w/LHM has made a U-turn back.

Try aloe vera gel. And some chocolate. But not necessarily in that order.

Your delicious irony would be a great subplot in your upcoming manuscript ...
ktuftdzw

Higgy said...

That's a CSI plotline if I ever heard one....

Also, you polishing the pie tin with your tongue would be a plot for a TOTALLY different show...

Kafaleni said...

ouchie Polly.

*loves Polly some Solarcaine*

Feel better, kill the bailer, and give me the pie recipe, please? Yuuuuummmmm

BulletBill said...

Polly,

Aloe (the non-smelly kind) works great for burns...

BulletBill

P.S. To the LHM, please don't think I was actually describing you as weak & light-loafered. In Hollywood, it is known as playing against type.

Mad Scientist said...

Hi Polly,

Sorry I have been abscent for so long. I hope I can drop by a little more often since I finally got the Net nazi's to let my laptop online.

Miss you tons woman!!!

-Mad

Marky said...

No disrespect intended, but too many sentences starting With I is not good writing. Just trying to be helpful especially with your writing proposal.

Polly P.I. said...

I like to say I. I think it's fine when one is speaking in the first person, present tense.

No offense taken.

Oops.

I have taken no offense.

And my understanding is that my writing is just fine. It's the plotless thing...

Polly P.I. said...

MAD!!!!

She's alive!

(Insert Dr. Frankenstein laugh and crash of thunder here.)

I miss you too! What's up, buttercup?

Mad Scientist said...

buttercups sound very fattening. are they anything like butterfingers? mmmmm butterfingers.

Oh yeah well I'm doing ok just busy doing the whole new job need a grant to pay my salary thing.

We have to catch up some night.

Cap'n Bob Napier said...

I'm glad you didn't burn the entire house down, Polly. Many of us would go into serious withdrawl if we couldn't get our fix of Pollyania every day. Here's a little kiss on your boo boo to make it better.

You know, you were in one of my dreams last night. The heck of it is, it wasn't erotic, merely surreal. Talk about a wasted opportunity.

Jeff Meyerson said...

Uhoh, sounds like LHM withdrawal symptoms. Blueberry cheesecake pie with whipped cream is definitely on the cards.

Cold water and ice on the hand will work better than the Cap'n's kiss, btw.

Just saying.

Tamara said...

*vehemently nods head in agreement with Jeff*

JD Rhoades said...

Aloe Vera, baby. It is The Stuff for burns.

jane said...

hey, i tried to reply to this a few days ago, but our internet is painfully gimpy here. anywho, your "dead ME" plot was featured on Crossing Jordan a while back. they killed off one of the MEs in a plane crash, and when the others were at the scene wondering why she hadn't shown up, they gave her a call, and one of the (miraculously working...) cell phones recovered from the crash began to ring...