Tuesday, October 11, 2005

NEWS FROM SOUTH OF THE BORDER

4:54 p.m.

Tomorrow morning at 8:30 a.m. I am getting my very first bikini wax.

I feel like a virgin on her wedding night.

Only I doubt it will be quite as pleasant.

Unless it's a real disaster of a wedding night.



That is all...

13 comments:

punky said...

Oh dear god, woman ... I recommend you do the following prior to the said waxing:

1. Pop a Xanax

2. Clean your lawn up ... no stray debris.

3. Pop an Advil

4. Put a little extra vodka in your bloody mary

5. Wear your least favorite undies ...

6. Pop another Advil

7. Take a before picture for posterity

8. Pour another bloody mary

9. Consider shaving as a more humane option

10. Head out the door after popping the last Advil followed by a chaser of bloody mary.

Good luck, babe!

insomniac said...

i thought she was going to say 'take a 'before'picture for insurance purposes'

Jeff Meyerson said...

Leave it to Punky to make you feel better!

LOL, insom.

Anonymous City Girl said...

advil and stretch.
are you going for the full brazil?

Polly P.I. said...

I'm.... afraid.

*pops an Advil*

Anonymous said...

Molly Sue writes - Dude! a brazilian, like to way! There is no part of me that wants to experience that pain. And I run marathons.........for fun! (South of the Border, silly girl)

Higgy said...

Any bets we get to see the results of this treatment this weekend in Vegas?

I've got 20 beans that says after 10 shots of tequila, the mechanical bull riding is going to be done "au natural"....


Well, a guy can hope, can't he?

Polly P.I. said...

Higgy..

Sweetie, I'll be drinking chocolate milk and going to bed by 9pm.



Okay.. I can't resist the bull.

Bikini optional.

Polly P.I. said...

Punky,

Well, I mowed the lawn for the last time until spring just yesterday...though I'm not sure what that has to do with me getting a bikini wax. ;-)

I don't have xanax, but I've got some left-over morphine from injuries past. Will that do?
(Note: morphine constipates me and makes me barf...still worth it?)

*pops another Advil*

Am I going to be walking like a sumo wrestler when I get off the plane in Vegas?

More importantly, will this affect my performance on the mechanical bull?

Mad Scientist said...

Polly I thought you were going to wait until vegas so I could laugh at your pain. Damn! Oh well I am sure we can find other things to laugh at. Have a nice wax and a safe flight and see you in 3 days!!!! Watch out Vegas!!!

I think someone better wax the mechanical bull...

Cap'n Bob Napier said...

Okay, Polly, let's get serious. Do you really think the video camera was invented just so we could watch men getting slammed in the crotch by errant tennis balls on America's Funniest Home Videos? No, that's just the cover story THEY spoon feed America to mask the real intent of video. It is to capture for all time the momentous events of our generation. To electronically codify those occasions which define and glorify us as human beings. Seeing you on tape endure a bikini wax satisfies this criteria. To miss this opportunity to enhance our culture's crowning moment would be a misdemeanor against humankind. And if you need a videographer, I could be persuaded to lend my expertise. Respectfully, and with taste.

Anonymous-2 said...

Cap'n ... Get in line!

Tamara said...

Oh fer Chrissake!!!

Polly's MOOMMMMM!!! She's doing it AGAINNN!!!!