12/19/05

1:17 a.m.

Boy, is it good to be home. I've spent the last couple of hours catching up on work...wrapped up in my polar fleece robe and sipping a cup of tea.

Boston was fun. I was flown out for the annual Christmas party that my PI firm throws for the managment they haven't yet fired. And since they encouraged us to bring guests, I invited LHM to come out from California for the party.

I had to spend the first day working in the hotel room. That was no fun and I felt bad for LHM because he was stuck watching television instead of touring Boston. The second day the Regional Supervisors met in the morning so that we could go over the same crap that we went over two months ago. That afternoon, the supervisors joined us and we went over the same stuff that we'd gone over that morning. That's about when I fell asleep and Dennis, the Regional sitting next to me, put an orange slice down my pants. I yelp.

"Yes, Polly? Is there a problem?" I look up at the CEO and then scan the room. Everyone is staring at me. I glare at Dennis, who is covering his mouth and trying very hard not to laugh.

"I... uh..." I suddenly remember that one scene in The Sound of Music. You know...the one when Maria sat on the pinecone her first night at dinner with the Captain and the children? The Captain asked her what the matter was and she patted her butt and said, "Rheumatism."

Brilliant.

"I...hemorroids," I say. There is laughter around the room and I can't help but add, "Hemorroids aren't funny, you know. Just wait until you get them." Somebody says something about being the 'butt' of jokes and the conversation spirals downward for a blessed few minutes before we get back to the topic at hand...which I don't recall because I stopped listening two hours ago. I tune out again but decide falling asleep would be inadvisable with jackass Dennis sitting next to me. I might wake up with a mustach drawn on my face. Instead, I get online and almost finish up my Christmas shopping by the time meetings let out at 4:30.

I grab my stuff and head up to my room. When I get inside, I call over to LHM's room, but he's not there. I call his cell. When he answers, he tells me he's shopping for clothes for us for the Christmas party tonight. Huh. My heart gets all gooey and melty. "Aw. That's so sweet of you! You don't have to do that." He assures me he wants to and I hang up the phone with a smile on my face. But then begin to worry about what he might have bought for me to wear. I hope it's not some hideous granny cardigan with Christmas stockings and Santa heads embroidered all over it...

LHM knocks on the door several minutes later and presents me with a long black skirt, a tastful, red sparkly sweater, and a sparkly silver earring and necklace set. He got himself some black dress pants and a red button-down shirt.

LHM leaves my room and as I start getting dressed I realize that we are going to be the annoying dress-alike couple with our red tops and black bottoms. I sigh and shrug. It could be worse. We could be wearing matching t-shirts that have arrows pointing to the other saying, "I'm with stupid."

In a nutshell, the Christmas party was a chance to see a bunch of my coworkers get wasted in a social setting. I had a nice time mingling and getting to know people better. Right before we left, we said goodbye to the CEO. He asked how long we'd be in Boston and I said a couple of days as we were going to do a bit of sightseeing over the weekend. He joked that I'd better spend my days working. LHM, who realizes how hard I work because he was with me for nearly a month, took that as an opportunity to mention that I put in at least 14 hour days and don't get paid nearly enough for my efforts.

Silence. CEO's eyes narrow. LHM stares back at him without blinking...his face expressionless. I am waiting for one of them to expose himself so we can see who's the bigger man once-and-for-all.

After several tortuous seconds of that, I grab LHM's arm. "Um...thanks for the party! G'night!" I pull LHM toward the door, looking over my shoulder once we get there. CEO is still glaring at our backs.

We are silent for a few minutes as we walk through the cold night air. "Well, that was fun!" I say with no small amount of sarcasm.

LHM immediately apologizes but adds, "I just hate that they take advantage of you. Somebody had to tell them how hard you work."

Men. I vascilate between wanting to clock LHM or hug him. So I do both.