Friday, May 20, 2005


9:13 a.m. I had to start today with a rolling surveillance. This means that I don't take up a stationary position, but do occasional drive bys. I did that because there is no good place to set up around here without being very conspicuous. I was driving by a few minutes ago when I saw Subject out on the front lawn. He was pulling a lawn mower out of the garage.

I continue past his house and turn into a neighbor's driveway. I grab the camera, slide it into my purse with the hole cut in the side, and get out of my vehicle. He's not looking this way. Good. I walk along the sidewalk a bit until I get to a thicket of bushes. I glance his way one last time before I jump in. Good thing these branches aren't prickly. I am rethinking my white tank top and pink workout pants. Not very good camo. But how was I to know I'd be playing Marine today?

Back to Lawn Mower Boy. He has to pull the cord to start the motor about 50 times. Wow. That's about the time I'd get a new one. He finally starts it and is mowing away...except that he has to stop every minute or so because it seems his pants keep falling down past his hips and he keeps having to pull them back up again. Ha ha! This is hilarious. I wonder if I can submit this tape to America's Funniest Videos? Nice rubber ducky boxers.

9:32 a.m. Well, he stopped mowing. Seems it's broken. He's got it upside down and is digging around inside with a screw driver. Just kick it! That's what I'd do.

9:46 a.m. He gives up trying to fix the mower. Subject is walking toward his car. Uh oh. I better get back to my vehicle. I get up, brush myself off and casually head back to the neighbor's driveway. I hop into my truck just as he's taking a left out of the neighborhood.

I begin mobile pursuit.

Subject is driving a late model gold Buick Century sedan. I've already run the plates and confirmed it is registered to him. He holds the stearing wheel with his right hand and has a cigarette in his left. Man, he smokes a lot.

10:02 a.m. Subject parks at the local Starbucks and walks inside. I take a spot across the lot from him where I can get good video. I decide to go inside. I put my camera back in my spy purse and make sure the lens is positioned correctly. I grab the remote and put it in my pocket.

I walk inside and step in line behind Subject. He is facing the other direction, so I try to strike up a conversation. We kinda chat for a while. I begin to think he's not such a bad guy until he tells me that I have a whole bunch of leaves and "sh@#" in my hair. Oh. Gee. Thanks. I step out of line and head back to my truck so I can set up video for when he exits.

10:23 a.m. I watch from two cars back as Subject takes a right hand turn onto a major street. And the light is yellow. I'm going to be stuck here if I don't do something. I turn right into a gas station parking lot that is at the corner. I speed around the perimeter of the station and pick up the tail again. Subject keeps weaving through traffic. I'm getting annoyed at him. Doesn't he realize that somebody is trying to spy on him? I mean, how rude. If I follow everytime he changes lanes he'll pick me up for sure. If I don't, I risk losing him if he turns suddenly or gets so far ahead that I get stuck behind a stoplight. I decide to run a parallel pursuit. I take a right one street over and then a left so that I am along side him only a street down... parallel. Hence the name.

Everything is going well until he makes a left hand turn. I quickly attempt to follow, but get stuck behind a light. No! Lost him.

I spend the next several minutes scouring parking lots and neighborhoods for his vehicle. After that, I return to his residence. If he doesn't come back within an hour I have to break off. That stinks.

Mobile surveillance is the hardest part of this job. In fact, a 50/50 success/failure rate is considered pretty good.

Well, I settle back and prepare to watch a movie on my laptop. And I wait.

Anybody see The Notebook?


slyeyes said...

*wonders if Polly has "get Smart" style shoe phone that matches her spy purse*

Higgy said...

So there's a big hole cut in the side of the purse?!?! Wouldn't that be almost as noticeable as the bird's nest in the 'do?

Jeff Meyerson said...

Wow, this is better than tv any day. And that "parallel pursuit" thing usually fails there too.