Saturday, May 07, 2005


5:13am. Just woke up. Let's see. I went to bed at 2am. So that means...3 hours. *sigh*

I'm hoping to be out of here by 6am. I ran out of food yesterday. Dinner was raw chocolate chip cookie dough, Diet Mt. Dew, and a Kraft Single.

I look around the apartment. It has been ages since I had time for a good cleaning. I should do laundry, but I find it easier to just keep buying new clothes. More satisfying, too. And then someday, when I DO do laundry, I will be pleasantly surprised at all the cute clothes I didn't remember I had.

Today I will make a list of things TO DO. Today I will clean out the truck. Today I will organize my CD's. Today I will buy flowers for the balcony. Really.

Don't give me that look. I mean it.

Okay. Time to get dressed and off to the second day of my stakeout. I'm hoping my Subject will make an appearance. Any suggestions on how I might coax him out of his cave?


Kaf said...

Hmmmm.... rampart-flashing is just too easy and not subtle enough. You'd get recognised everywhere you went after that. You could end up with your own reality show, though. Stripper, P.I. You'd never be short of viewers. Back to the point. If it's a rental property, you could claim to be from a pest control company and have been sent to flea bomb the house, meaning he would have to leave. Arson of the small, controlled blaze-type is always a motivator to get out-of-doors. Send around an annoying relative. Or some dive-bombing JWs (If they also stripped, your ratings could go through the roof!). Hide all his TP so he has to go out and buy some more.

Jeff Meyerson said...

Or ask him if his refrigerator is running? COme on Kaf, you can do better than that, I know.

Polly, you definitely need more than 3 hours sleep to keep up with this job. We don't want you falling asleep behind the wheel.

Anonymous said...

Very cool, Polly! I feel sure that the KibEl Detective Agency will pick up some great tips here!

Alex said...

Hmmm...seems to me that if you ran out of food that grocery shopping would at least get a mention for the "to-do" list. But that's just me.

As a recovering insomniac, I hope you can get more sleep soon. After a while, it started to make me physically ill.

MDJ said...

To coax your Subject out, you might try something one of my roommates did one time: treat his video game console to a sledgehammer fest. If you don't have a sledgehammer, a regular one will do. If he doesn't have a video game console, try his TV instead. Either way, he'll be forced to vacate the premises in order to procure himself a new one, whatever it is.

Kaf said...

OK.. trying to do better....
*hangs head in shame at last effort*
In my defense, I was overtired and getting to the "loopy" stage of the night. Enough excuses already!!


you could plant some "parfait plants" out the back (not that you'd know where to get those) and then place an anonymous call to the police. But that would only get him arested and you wouldn't see a lot of movement.


"Accidentally" rear-end his vehicle and see how fast he gets out of the house. Of course being in the thick of things makes it hard to take photos and also blows your cover for future work, so that's no help either. I have to stop overanalysing everything.

Drop cherry bombs down his sewer main. Or stinkbombs in his air conditioning. Juvenile but effective. It would drive me out of the house. I'm still traumatised by the full school assembly when I was in 7th form (12th grade, year 13) and one of the 6th form guys set off a stink bomb at the beginning of assembly. Nobody made any effort to clear out the hall or vent the odour and we had to live with it for an hour. Bad Bad Bad.