Wednesday, July 20, 2005

7/20/05

5:15 a.m. I am stuck in traffic on the Tristate Expressway heading down to my second day in the hood. I am listening to "Headstrong" by (I think) Trapt. "Back off! I'll take you on. Headstrong, I'll take on anyone. I know that you are wrong and this is not were you belong!" I am pounding the steering wheel and feeling like I could kick some serious ass. Good thing Bones isn't around or he'd be sorry! I look over at the car next to me. A little kid, maybe 3 years old, is watching me. I stop dancing in my seat and smile at him. I wave. The little kid looks up at the back of his mother's head kind of uncertainly and then starts to cry. Oh. Gee. I didn't mean to scare him. I wasn't going to KILL the steering wheel.

I make a funny face to see if I can make the kid stop crying. He just gets more upset and his mother gives me a dirty look. Huh. I'm usually so good with kids. I shrug.

I feel bad now and so I turn off my teen angst music and move on to something a little more calm. Ahhhh. This is better. "Sometimes....all I need is the air that I breath, and to love you. All I need is the air that I breeeeaaaath!..." Is this Roy Orbison? I can't remember.

Anyway, I pull in to the O'hare Oasis and go inside the gas station to use the little damas room. When I walk in the bathroom I look in the mirror. I stifle a scream. Oh, for the love of Pete and all that is holy! No wonder that kid was crying. I went to bed with a wet head last night. My hair is standing up approximately 9 inches off the left side of my head, the right side being as flat as a pancake. I try to force it down with water but it is no use. I open my mouth. There is a giant green piece of jalapeno pepper stuck between my front teeth from my ranchero breakfast wrap. (yummy) I am tempted to give myself a swirly in the toilet and start over.

13 comments:

Bill said...

You don't really think that was Roy Orbison singing "The Air that I Breathe," right? I mean, there's no way you could mistake the Hollies for Roy.

Polly P.I. said...

Well, no, of course not, Bill! What kind of an idiot do you take me for? It was just a joke.

Yeah. That's right. A joke. (Ahem)

Brat said...

A swirly in the toilet..... what an image! I'm not sure whether to gag or laugh.

Speaking of images, Polly, check out my post on the moat regarding your possible look-alike.

tamara said...

People are looking at me, but I can't stop giggling.

Polly scares small children!!! HEE HEEE HEEEEE!!

Jeff Meyerson said...

I knew Bill would beat me to this answer. Too easy.

Now if it was "Ooby Dooby" that would be Roy.

Jeff Meyerson said...

Polly, forget Sumo Polly. Give us a picture of Kid Scaring Polly!

tamara said...

You know, though: Lots of people have re-made that song. Including Barry Mani-NO!

Higgy said...

Jeff - none of use want to see Kid-Scaring Polly!

We'd much rather see Bikini Polly, Belly Dancer Polly or Slinky Dress Polly...

Actually, I think we've already seen Slinky Dress Polly....

*zips to Yahoo to check*

Yup....

Polly P.I. said...

hehe

Shhhhhh! Higgy, icknay on the linky dressslay...

Or something like that... I've got to brush up on my pig latin.

MrFisher said...

*Hands Polly a brush*

I didn't know you had a pig. An ex-suporvisor, oh yea I did.

The Terminal Swirlies has potential to BAGNF something I think.

Austin said...

What kid is awake in a car at 5:15 in the morning? I try to avoid that hour of the day at all costs!

Larry said...

The truth is that I would have probably cried too...


Thanks for the comment on my blog earlier. You rock :)

Kaf said...

Sometimes "Hump Day" can really kick your ass.

Just sayin'