6:16 a.m. I got a call from Hummer yesterday morning around 9am. He was calling in sick on a case he was supposed to have been on at 6am. Admittedly, he DID sound as if he was about to keel over.
I was irritated that he'd waited three hours into the investigation to call in. "Wulp, I din't wanna wake you up." He sniffs and then moans as if in pain. Oh, stop...less is more, Hummer.
"Hummer, you KNOW you need to call me before your case begins if you're sick. You've been working for this company for three years! I don't care if it's two o'clock in the morning...just leave a message on my voicemail if I don't answer."
"Okay." He says. Silence.
But I'm not through. I've got a few bones to pick with Hummer and I'm in a pissy mood. "Hummer, where is your update from the Johnson case you were supposed to conduct yesterday?" I'd gotten an email from Corp this morning indicating that Hummer didn't turn in his update.
"Oh. I'm doing that one today." Silence. Don't call him a jackass...DON'T call him a jackass.
In what I felt was a heroic show of self-control, I said calmly, "Hummer, you can't just reschedule your own cases on a whim."
"Okay." He says. More silence.
"And..." I am getting mad now, "And you must come to me when you have questions and concerns. That pay discrepancy you had last week...I told you to send me an email outlining the issue so I could forward it up the Chain of Command. I TOLD you how to handle it and yet you chose to go over my head and call Stinky Jimmy because you didn't want to take the time to follow procedure and fill out a form!" Now I'm letting him have it with all of my female fury augmented by P.M.S. "Jimmy called me and he was pissed, Hummer. You don't follow company policies. You get picked up more than all of the company's investigators put together. And you cut corners and make Jimmy and I both look bad. You are close, Hummer. Really close. I want you to do well in this company and I will have your back if you'll at least try, but I would rather run your cases myself than have an employee who is unreliable." And a jackass.
Interestingly, during the course of our conversation Hummer's illness seems to be improving. I am glad that I am able to help him feel better.
After I get off the phone I call Stinky Jimmy. I love calling Stinky Jimmy when I'm mad because he gets mad right along with me. And then he makes me laugh. What a good boss. Anyway, here's a little exerpt from the truly masterful email Jimmy sent to Corp and CC'd to Hummer and I.
Recently actions of Investigator Hummer have been somewhat questionable and a review of the Investigator's standards is necessary. It seems as if Investigator Hummer feels that he can re-schedule cases as his own whim, disregard the Chain of Command, discuss case incidents with former supervisor before notifying own supervisor, notifying supervisor late in the morning to advise of being sick well into the scheduled case, and too numerous times to be mentioned being confronted by Claimant or other case factoring situations. While it is true that the Investigator has been carrying a substantial caseload, his actions cannot be overlooked.
This company has strict procedures which must be followed and to place a case in jeopardy due to a lackless effort cannot be tolerated. Just as we have Clients whom we have to deal with, Investigator's must be aware of Client needs and the responsibility to a Client to conduct proper and timely cases.
Please forward this memo directly to Investigator Hummer advising that this company will not tolerate any further actions described above.
It is requested that a copy be placed in Investigator's personal file for future reference.
Woo hoo! My ass stings from that and I'm not even the one who was getting the whoopin'...
I smile and decide I wanna be Stinky Jimmy when I grow up. Except for not so stinky.