Monday, August 01, 2005

KUDU JOHNSON NEEDS MY HELP

I got the following email this morning. Kudu seems like a great guy. I mean, all he wants from me is my bank account number where he can instruct the bank to transfer a whole lot of money to me in about three working days.

Isn't that swell of him? ...even though he called me 'sir'.



Sir,

I humbly ask for your assistance to enable me transfer
the money my late father kept in a bank in(THE TRUST
BANK)before he died, into your nominated account
overseas.
My name is KUDU JOHNSON, my mother's name is Madam
Mariam Johnson and my late father's name is Chief Omeh
Attah Johnson. He was a gold and diamond merchant from
Ashanti region of Ghana in West Africa
I am from a polygamous family and my father has four
wives and twenty-four children, am the eighth child
and my mother is the last wife of my father and he
entrusted all his valuable documents to her.
Since we are from a polygamous home, after the death
of my father, the whole family has been deserted. Now
my elder brothers, sisters and their mothers are in
search of my father's documents but my mother who is
in possession of the documents has refused to
disclose the custodian of the documents to them,
because they are all fighting for themselves and
their selfish interest.
Right now all I want from you is your bank account
number where we can instruct the bank to transfer this
money to you by telegraphic transfer, which takes
about three working days.
We are making this arrangement in order to avoid the
rest of the children and their mothers, because if
they find out they will take everything from us.
It is for the mutual benefit of both of us, you will
be entitle to twenty percent of the funds, as the
owner of the account, the total amount in the bank is
$28 million dollars.
Please reply immediately with your Bank account
details so that we can forward the information to the
bank of ghana to expedite the transfer immediately.

Could you also include your contact address, fax
numbers and your private mobile phone number for easy
communication.
Best regards.

KUDU JOHNSON

23 comments:

Tamara said...

Sounds like a sure thing to me! Do it! Do it!

MOTW said...

Most Generous Mr. Kudu -
I know I was born, but it wasn't YESTERDAY.
SHIFT-DELETE

kitty said...

Y'mean that scam is still around?

Deontologist said...

It is good to see that the child I sponsored for all those years, little Kudu, is doing well these days.

[wipes a tear of pride]

Who says we can't make a difference in the lives of poor third world children?

Deontologist said...

Oh, and if you want to see these scam guys get their comeuppance, check out:

http://www.419eater.com/index.htm

Oh, and for those who might wish to scold me for potentially linking child charity organizations to these scams, first: get a sense of humor, second: I do sponsor a child in a third world country, but he is the one who has the bank account about to be seized by a corrupt African government, not this shyster.

Higgy said...

Deon - it's about time for you to have a good scolding, isn't it? Time to break out the dominatrix uniforms, Polly and Punky!

Slyeyes said...

I did this. After the guy got ahold of my bank account, I found out he keeps it in better shape than I do, so I'm cool with it.

Nancy said...

I think I get the same letter...

Stephen Blackmoore said...

Oh, I think Mr Johnson is BEGGING for a response. Send him this:

"Dear Mr. Johnson,

Praise and hallelujah! The good Lord has guided you to our doorstep! I am the financial administrator for Father Pious Hypocrisy of the Church of The Militant Agnostic. As such, I consult with the Father on matters of finance, and he has heard your plight. Our church is committed to helping those in dire straits, such as yourself. We would be pleased to assist you in your endeavor.

However, the Good Father has some concerns. You mention that you come from a polygamous family. Though this foul practice goes against our most sacred scriptures, we are willing to overlook this detail in order to help someone in such great need. But we will need a commitment from you to show that you are worthy of the Church's help.

In order to assist you we will need a documented revocation of your heathen ways. The Father will accept a photograph as sufficient proof.

The photo must be as follows:

1) You must be in the Pose of Supplication. This requires that you kneel with both hands behind your head. This shows that you have given yourself completely to God.

2) You must wear the representation of the Church's Symbol, The Holy Mackerel. This fish was given by Our Lord to Methesulah so that he would never know hunger. A drawing of a fish on the front of your church will suffice.

3) Your eyes must be turned toward God. The Church of the Militant Agnostic believes that one cannot know the true nature of God, and in fact demands that one not know the true nature of God. Therefore your eyes must be crossed.

The Church is quite strict on these matters, and, though the Father is willing to assist you, is unable to do so until you can provide him this photograph.

Due to the nature of these discussions, please use the email address of the Church's office. This is (xxxxxxxx@yahoo.com). Once we receive the photograph we will be able to begin this transaction. Good luck, Mr. Johnson, and God speed.

xxxxxx
Chief Financial Advisor
CTMA"

Replace the address with a Yahoo or Hotmail account, just to avoid the inevitable spam. When he provides the pic, tell him something's wrong with it and see how long you can string him along.

Good hunting.

Olga said...

Stephen, you are hilarious! I laughed out loud in my cube (which disrupted some people around me, but I didn't care).

I've also received emails of this nature. It begs the question, "Just how @#%$&* stupid do they think we are?!" (Please don't answer that.)

Trace said...

I wonder how many people actually fall for this.

JD Rhoades said...

Those Africans sure are a friendly people.

Stephen Blackmoore said...

"I wonder how many people actually fall for this."

Quite a few, actually. It's an old one. It used to be called "The Spanish Prisoner".

Same idea, but instead of locked up funds, it was a locked up Spaniard whose family needed money to get him out of prison. If the victim helped they would be rewarded on his return to safety. Of course, each attempted prison break would inevitably fail, and the family would need more funds to try again.

The Nigerians just updated it for our modern age. Lucky us.

The great thing about it is that it's a one man con and it can be difficult to trace if you don't stick with it too long. The bad part is that if they're onto you, you may not know about it until it's too late.

At least with three card monte you can run.

JD Rhoades said...

Howdy!

My name is Bubba Don Calloway. My Daddy was the late Sheriff Moses Jim Calloway of Poovey County, Arkansas. After Daddy died, we was a-goin' through his sock drawer when we found this bankbook up underneath his collection of vintage "Juggs" magazines (featurin' Holly Hooters, so you know they's collector's items).
Seems like Daddy had this here bank account with all this money he done saved from gettin' bribed by moonshiners and meth dealers. Me, Mama, and Cousin Junie are tryin' to get the money out'n the county so's the new Sheriff don't find out and come and confescrate it. If'n you kin send us the number on your bank account there, we kin go down to the western Union at Old Man Purvis' store and send it to you. You kin keep half. It's somewheres around 28 million dollars, which ain't too shabby, know whut I mean?
Write back soon, 'kay?

Yours in Christ,

Bubba

Brat said...

JD - ROFL:LMAO excellent.

Git 'er done!

Cap'n Bob Napier said...

Tell him to stick his Johnson in his Kudu.

Slyeyes said...

I recently attended a seminar presented by an FBI SPecial Agent who works in the cybercrime prevention unit. This scheme was mentioned and I asked if anyone fell for it. I pointed out that sending money to a stranger was just dumb. He said, sadly, many people fall for it and that's why it is still around. Victims are usually older people. He, too, was amazed when he first learned that.

Polly P.I. said...

And if you believe that one, I got me a cold beaver up in Canada tuh sell ya, eh. (Pictures provided...satisfaction guaranteed)

Marvin | Paranoid Android said...

*looks for Buy Now button*

Thor said...

polly, there ya go turnin' this into an x-rated blog!!!

oh, and olga, now i know what you were laughing about!

jane said...

no shit - i got this *exact same* email from Kudu Johnson this very day! small world :-)

there was a Dateline special on these chaps back in June... they had much fun with these people (a la Stephen's suggestion), although apparently many people still fall for this nonsense.

the ones i usually get make some reference to how Jesus has led them to me, which considering my reputation as the Antichrist (or Jezebel, depending on whom you ask), is always so amusing.....

Lt. Woman said...

My name is KUDU JOHNSON, my mother's name is Madam Mariam Johnson and my late father's name is Chief Omeh Attah Johnson. He was a gold and diamond merchant from Ashanti region of Ghana in West Africa
And you know it's true because there are so many Johnson's in the Ashanti region of Ghana.

I got a chain letter IN THE MAIL last week. Who does that anymore?? Totally bizarre. If I sent $10 to Charlie Horse (I've forgotten the guy's name) then make a copy of the letter, drop Charlie's name off the list, add my name at the bottom, then post it out to 200 people randomly selected from the phone book, and they all send it on to 200 people and so on, by the time I get to the top of the list, with even a 3% return rate, I should get about $70k (by my calculation, that's a bit over 3%, but stats weren't the only issue I had at this point). If everyone responded, I could potentially become a millionaire. All for an initial outlay of $218 or thereabouts. This guy swears he's never made less than $65k each time he's done this. What a load of something brown.

Lt. Woman said...

oh... and
Could you also include your contact address, fax numbers and your private mobile phone number for easy communication.

Make sure "your" number is - oops - transposed to become the number of the local proctologist, or Domino's, or sewer pumping outfit. Whatever seems most appropriate at the time.