Monday, June 20, 2005


2:29 p.m. I believe it was K that asked if I'd ever been picked up by a Subject and what I did about it.

Well, today just happened to be one of those days.

I just pull into my driveway when I get a call back from Subject about seeing her house for sale. I set up a time for this afternoon and call her en route asking for directions. I say that I am having a hard time finding the place again. This is all part of my pretext and helps add another layer of legitimacy to my story.

I show up with my video camera in hand. Subject is a large white female...definitely not 75-years-old, as the DOB on my intake sheet says. She looks closer to 45. Must have been a typo. I ask her name again just to confirm I've got the right person. She is wearing her aircast. I turn around and begin taking video of the front yard. I pretend to turn the camera off after a second and we start chatting. I can tell almost immediately that she is legit. She is limping around and apologizing for not being able to take me around the whole property.

I get some good film of her, in any case. You have to remember, I'm not trying to get dirt on all my Subjects. I'm just documenting the truth.

Sometimes I surprise myself at how well I lie. I'm like a savant or something. I am asking about sump pumps and schools and asbestos... I discuss my husband who is in the military on temporary duty and how he can't be here, which is why I'm videotaping. I even ask to keep the ugly purple curtains. It is truly masterful.

Except for when we walk into the kitchen and her husband asks me to turn off the camera. He then asks me if I'd been following them when they were driving in town gulp and if I was around there house at 10am that morning. I give him a puzzled look and say, "Well, yeah, I probably was. I was looking at houses all morning."

He seems to buy it because he becomes very friendly after that. I don't dare risk taking anymore video, though. I say goodbye and indicate that I might come back later this week with my three imaginary girls. I wonder if anybody has a few girls I can borrow...

In any case, I believe that I'm going to recommend to corporate that we postpone conducting the rest of this surveillance for two full weeks...until after I'm back from Puerto Rico. It's just too risky with the husband being suspicious and all.

I call Stinky Jimmy to let him know what happened. He says, "Why do you go so far to get Subject video, Polly?" I dunno. Cuz I can? He sighs and tells me to be careful. Yeah. Yeah. I hang up the phone and think, It's really easy to like Stinky Jimmy. Especially since the miracle of the telephone allows me to appreciate his personality without actually smelling his breath.


k said...

omigod poll i didnt mean to jinx u! welll its all ur fault lookin all so attractive... of course the guy wdv noticed you! eeh u lucky tinky... smooth talker!

Polly P.I. said...

I'm a lucky tinky?

k said...

lol well hey if i thought sum1 was stalkin me and they're busy filming the inside of my house... hmm... botswana u can shoot someone in ur own house and its not murder... so yes you're a very lucky tinkie.

Polly P.I. said...

Remind me not to conduct investigations in Botswana.

k said...

lol... trust me dont get married there either... but il tell u bout that when u mail me ;)

Slyeyes said...

Puerto or pleasure?