Monday, June 27, 2005

6/27/05b

3:32 p.m. I figured out why Hummer gets picked up so much. He looks like a scary stalker/child molester. Very heavy. Comb-over hairdo. Dressed in a dirty t-shirt, knit shorts, and calf-high white gym socks with sandals. Think of Dom Deluise only not funny and creepier.

The first thing Hummer says to me is, "Wow! You look just like I imagined you would from your voice. Can I take a few pictures for my wife?" For your wife? It's a strange request for having known me in person for a mere 15 seconds, but I'm always happy to mug for the camera. "Uh...sure."

We chat for 20 minutes or so and Hummer offers to take me to dinner but I have to decline (phew) because I still have to get ready for my trip tomorrow.

I went to the lawyer lady's office. But first I call and set up an appointment for a divorce consult tomorrow at 10am. Note: She's totally crooked. She charges $250 an hour and works out of an amazing high rise building and still has the gall to commit insurance fraud?

It is tough getting in the building, but I am determined. I take film outside and then pack my camera back in my spy purse. The security desk is in front of me and the bathrooms are to the right. I am supposed to sign in as soon as I show up, but there are a few people already in line so I make a right toward the bathrooms, hoping that the stairwell will be open. I look over toward the security desk. He's distracted. I turn the doorknob. No dice. Locked. I notice there is a food court down an open flight of stairs, though, and I go down there hoping for another way up. Yes! A bank of elevators. I ride up to the 10th floor and get off. Another security desk. The second I walk out the guard asks me where I'm headed. Damn. I feign lost and glance around as best I can before being directed back downstairs. I ask if I can use the restroom and I am told that there is one in the lobby. Double Damn. I hit play on the camera remote and at least get a shot of the nameplate on Subject's door.

I stop in the lobby bathroom and take off the hated pantyhose, shove them in my purse, and head home to pack.

11 comments:

k said...

pollys going commando! damn, didnt know just a pair of panties could ruin a girls day.. no wonder chix r so nutty!

mike weasel said...

Wow, who knew insurance companies needed so much security?

jane said...

hummer sounds unbelievably creepy. does he even *have* a wife?

Marie said...

Pantyhose! Aaaaargh! The last time I wore those was when I was 13 and had to go to a classmate's bat mitzvah. Never, ever again! I commiserate, Polly.

Pantyhose was obviously invented by a man.

tamara said...

I wear hose every once in a while, and am not bothered by it...

*blinking*

Am I weird??

Marvin | Paranoid Android said...

More than anyone could care to know about pantyhose

kibby F5 said...

Sounds like Hummer needs and Extreme Makeover.

Brat-Remembering-Revenge-Of-The-Nerds said...

It's a cinch that Hummer has a new "fantasy girl" aka:Polly PI.

The disconnect between the voice and the face can be very interesting.

I always thought Hummer would look like Fred "The Ogre" Palowakski, from revenge of the nerds.

k said...

dnt lie.. all women hava pair of bridget jones' lurkin about sumwhere...

Jeff Meyerson said...

Think of Dom Deluise only not funny and creepier.

Since I don't find Dom all that funny anyway, this is an ugly image.

I keep think of Roseanne Roseannadanna saying, "Gee, Mr. Feder. You sound like a reall attractive guy. You belong in New Jersey!"

And he offered to take you to dinner. Where? House of Squirrel?

Kudzu said...

Like I said, bad idea.

I am with Jane. If this guy has a wife she has to be creepier than he is. RUN!