Monday, June 27, 2005

6/27/05b

3:32 p.m. I figured out why Hummer gets picked up so much. He looks like a scary stalker/child molester. Very heavy. Comb-over hairdo. Dressed in a dirty t-shirt, knit shorts, and calf-high white gym socks with sandals. Think of Dom Deluise only not funny and creepier.

The first thing Hummer says to me is, "Wow! You look just like I imagined you would from your voice. Can I take a few pictures for my wife?" For your wife? It's a strange request for having known me in person for a mere 15 seconds, but I'm always happy to mug for the camera. "Uh...sure."

We chat for 20 minutes or so and Hummer offers to take me to dinner but I have to decline (phew) because I still have to get ready for my trip tomorrow.

I went to the lawyer lady's office. But first I call and set up an appointment for a divorce consult tomorrow at 10am. Note: She's totally crooked. She charges $250 an hour and works out of an amazing high rise building and still has the gall to commit insurance fraud?

It is tough getting in the building, but I am determined. I take film outside and then pack my camera back in my spy purse. The security desk is in front of me and the bathrooms are to the right. I am supposed to sign in as soon as I show up, but there are a few people already in line so I make a right toward the bathrooms, hoping that the stairwell will be open. I look over toward the security desk. He's distracted. I turn the doorknob. No dice. Locked. I notice there is a food court down an open flight of stairs, though, and I go down there hoping for another way up. Yes! A bank of elevators. I ride up to the 10th floor and get off. Another security desk. The second I walk out the guard asks me where I'm headed. Damn. I feign lost and glance around as best I can before being directed back downstairs. I ask if I can use the restroom and I am told that there is one in the lobby. Double Damn. I hit play on the camera remote and at least get a shot of the nameplate on Subject's door.

I stop in the lobby bathroom and take off the hated pantyhose, shove them in my purse, and head home to pack.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

pollys going commando! damn, didnt know just a pair of panties could ruin a girls day.. no wonder chix r so nutty!

Anonymous said...

Wow, who knew insurance companies needed so much security?

annie said...

hummer sounds unbelievably creepy. does he even *have* a wife?

Anonymous said...

I wear hose every once in a while, and am not bothered by it...

*blinking*

Am I weird??

Anonymous said...

Sounds like Hummer needs and Extreme Makeover.

Anonymous said...

It's a cinch that Hummer has a new "fantasy girl" aka:Polly PI.

The disconnect between the voice and the face can be very interesting.

I always thought Hummer would look like Fred "The Ogre" Palowakski, from revenge of the nerds.

Anonymous said...

dnt lie.. all women hava pair of bridget jones' lurkin about sumwhere...

Anonymous said...

Think of Dom Deluise only not funny and creepier.

Since I don't find Dom all that funny anyway, this is an ugly image.

I keep think of Roseanne Roseannadanna saying, "Gee, Mr. Feder. You sound like a reall attractive guy. You belong in New Jersey!"

And he offered to take you to dinner. Where? House of Squirrel?